Pensive

08/05/2010 § Leave a comment

I usually post something on “Thirsty Thursdays” today but even though I’m feeling the need for a cocktail, I’m just far too pensive to devote an entire blog on it.

I find myself thinking and reflecting and wondering far too much lately.  And worrying.  Yes, then there’s that.  Most of the daydreaming is of quitting my awful 9-5’er job and going full force as an artist.  Spending my days creating, sharing and encouraging growth through creativity.  I feel this dream is important to have but in reality,  fruition seems always at a finger-lengths away; just beyond my grasp.  I guess that is sort of what dreams are intended to be – by definition – something that keeps us constantly striving for more/better/bigger/happier, etc.  The elusiveness of this dream (and my impatience to achieve it) is where the worrying comes in.  I worry about quitting my job with little savings and a very much under-employed husband.  I worry about making ends meet – paying the mortgage, the bills, buying supplies, food and the occasional niceties that life seems to warrant.  I then feel a bit selfish musing the thought of quitting a job that provides all of those things, especially in a time where so many cannot find a job at all.  But then the worry shifts to something more selfish – what will happen to me if I continue to work a job that makes me mentally, physically and emotionally miserable?  Is happiness and being true to self more important than earning a steady paycheck?

On some days the answer is easy and quick coming.  It’s a solid YES.   Of course. Other days, days like today, it’s a slow, cold, reality slap in the face, NO.  How sad is that?

Being of the creative persuasion I tend to have lofty ideals.  What you may call a dreamer, an idealist or possibly even foolish.  I believe that there should be a way for more people in this world to do what makes them happy or at least be happy with what they do.  I don’t mean “hey, I’m happy sitting on my ass watching TV all day, let this be my job”.  What I mean is helping people identify what they’re good at and enjoy doing and then fostering that love into something that is beneficial for others as well.   Everyone loves different things and that is the beauty of mankind.  Similarly, we all need and want different things.  Therefore it makes sense to me (and possibly only me) that there should be something out there for everyone to do that would make them (relatively) happy.  I’m always thinking and saying that we need to go back to basics in many ways; this is definitely one of them.  There used to be a day when people did what they were good at and that is what defined their careers.  It seems now that the love of craft is less important than making tons of money or making tons of things inexpensively and cheaply.  It’s more important to make a buck then make something with heart.  {Side note – this is why I love the “Handmade Revolution” going on right now :)}

Now before I go off on a tirade about Capitalism run rampant and corporate greed and people start yelling at me that I just don’t understand, let me say take a step back.  I know some folks associate the term “artist” with many things – lazy, starving, hippie – I’ve heard them all.  Some may say an artist just doesn’t want to put in a hard days work.   Trust me, I know all the benefits of putting in a hard days work.  But who’s to judge exactly what that hard days work  should be for me or for you or even for that guy over there.  Being an artist is hard work.  It’s never easy and you’re constantly trying to improve yourself and your medium.  It’s seeking approval while still being an independent thinker and doer.  We cherish it when people adore our art yet must somehow stay true to what we love.  You don’t want to “sell out” but you must find a way to bring in buyers.  It’s a delicate balance.   And it’s WORK.  Now imagine trying to do all that hard work while having a job.  (And I know so, so, so many of you can).  Working 40 hours at a job that numbs every creative piece of your body and then spending your free time creating, learning, marketing and trying to have some sort of a life too.  Doing something we do not like or even loathe in order to be able to do what we love.  To me, that just doesn’t make sense at all.  I guess that’s just the dreamer in me…

So back the beginning and to answering that initial question with a loud, resounding yes.

More on this to come as my journey of becoming a full time artist continues….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Pensive at .

meta

%d bloggers like this: